Nit-Fest is a comedic children’s book that I was commissioned to create long before I became a professional ghostwriter.
This project was completed through the CreateSpace self-publishing process.
I have been given permission to share this section of content by my client.
Nit-Fest
By Anonitmous
Published 2017
All names, characters and incidents in these books are the work of the author’s imagination, as this is entirely a work of fiction.
Any resemblance at all to actual persons, living or dead, and any events or localities described is entirely coincidental and has absolutely no relation to anyone bearing the same, or similar, name or names. All incidents are pure invention and not so much as distantly inspired by or related to any individual known or unknown to the author.
Copyright 2017 © Anonitmous
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in book reviews as permitted by copyright law.
Introduction
Why are you ‘Anonitmous’? Is probably your first question.
Answer to that is because I don’t want any other nits to know who I am.
Sharing our species’ deepest, darkest secrets and stories would make them very angry indeed! Nits are scary when we’re angry.
Why are you sharing nits’ deepest, darkest secrets and stories if you’re scared? Is most likely your next question.
Well, once you have read this information you will understand why. Nits are probably one of the most unknowingly dangerous creatures on the planet.
Following are some really interesting facts about us,
that you possibly didn’t know…
• ‘Nits’ are actually, officially, ‘Head Lice’.
Head Lice like being referred to as ‘Nits’.
However, we don’t like being called a ‘Louse’.
• Nits DO NOT affect any animals, other than humans.
• We can live 25 to 35 days on a human head. But, we can only live 12 to 24 hours at most when not on a human head!
• Adult females can lay 4 to 6 eggs every day.
• We CANNOT jump – we are not ‘Fleas’.
Origin of ‘the Nit’
It can be difficult to remember all my history lessons.
So here is a poem I wrote myself to remember…
Long before humans had a house,
We lived in their hair,
And our nickname was ‘louse’,
That wasn’t fair!
We tried not to cause first human to itch,
By keeping to our word,
Working only at night without a hitch,
The thought of upsetting our host, absurd!
Alas our colony was spotted,
The life we had once known,
Now rotted,
Our human’s mind was blown.
Not literally, of course,
You understand.
But being met with angry force,
Led us to leave that land.
So we made our way,
To hair-lands new,
By being brave as we may,
We almost flew!
Making a fresh head,
Our new home,
Where blood was bright red,
And our presence unknown.
Why mention blood?
I’m sure you are thinking.
Come on bud,
What else would we be drinking?!
No we are not vampires,
We’re actually much better;
Can’t be defeated by fires,
And definitely won’t eat ya!
Anyway, that’s off topic,
What was I saying?
Aha, yes, that’s right,
We’re simply amazing!
We hated that evil word ‘louse’,
Humans used to describe us.
Isn’t ‘cute’ like the name ‘mouse’,
So we had to make a fuss.
We much prefer ‘nit’,
It’s a superior name;
Strikes fear with a hit,
A scary reputation it did gain!
Harmony; something a nit never mentions,
Because we had to hide,
From their nasty inventions.
We were no longer on their side.
We started to spread,
Our colonies grew stronger.
Despite the daily battles we’d dread,
Nit stories kept getting longer.
Our species have lived for thousands of years,
So if humans aren’t careful,
We’ll take our fight to old men’s hairy ears!
We appear when you least expect it,
Don’t care if you have long hair,
That’s not a rule of the nit,
Your head covered? We’ll live there.
Although we can’t live on pillows or in hats,
Only takes one quick cuddle,
For us to crawl across and that
Gets adults in a right muddle!
